2002-07-16 | 10:21 p.m.

I think my body is in a meltdown process. Stages by stages it is gradually telling me to go to hell. You'd think just by reading that past sentence I was in my 80's, I'm not. I'm 26 years old for Christ's sake!

Yesterday while trying to get to sleep I almost just called it quits and woke up the parental units to ask them if one could take me to the hospital. I was minutes away from doing just that when my mom came into my room and snuggled beside my in bed trying to calm me down. She got me to go back to sleep which was great. But when waking up again this morning I had paralyzing almost blinding pain.

And while I told myself before that these were just my normal migraines that made me not be able to deal with light, and to have ice on my head, I know there's more. Honestly I know there's more. So I broke down today and told the parents. My mom is going to help me try to find a specialist in the migraine/head field. This pain has got to stop. It's ridiculous. I have suffered for far too long with it. And now I get pain so bad that I get nauseas and want to throw up and it gets harder for me to breathe. While I thought it was just nerves in the past, today I know it's not. A friend of the family (who is also a doctor) was called and my mom explained the situation and he said that it didn't sound normal at all. Thus it looks as if I am going to be poked and prodded once more. Truthfully this time around I really won't mind at all if they do. I'm hoping that by the end of it all they might either cure me or give me something that will possibly lessen the pain. I'm up for anything, just as long as the pain goes away. Because really I can't deal with the pain. I find myself crying just because of it.

As I walked home I stopped off at Virgin. Told myself I shouldn't but went in ahead anyways. Ended up purchasing both Amelie and The Royal Tenenbaums on DVD. Both movies I absolutely adored. Clearly in my top 5 list. There's just something about Amelie that makes me feel like a child again. And The Royal Tenenbaums was just brilliant. It was quirky and poignant, and the characters were all just very human and recognizable in some way, despite their eccentricities and god Wes Anderson is a genius in my book so anything he does is pretty damn sweet in my eyes. Besides adding those to my growing DVD collection was a must. They're staples in any DVD collection! (Much like all of the Kevin Smith films are and Rushmore and some choice John Cusack selections.)

I got a new computer at work. Well technically it's not new. One of the people that worked on my floor got a new computer but since he left the company the computer just stood around collecting dust. Nobody snatched it up so I claimed dibs on it and the computer tech guy came around today and switched them around for me. It's so sweet. It's quicker and on the outside it's all black. I wanted to name it Vader but I decided against it since I knew this guy in college who's nickname was Vader (he was a total druggie) so instead I called it Sparticus. Everytime I come in now I will say morning Sparticus and it in turn will tell me "Well Hello Clarice" in and Anthony Hopkins voice a la Hannibal Lector. (And yep I am a dork, but whatever it still makes me smile.)

Anyways that's it for now. Head is about ready to explode and I can't deal with looking at a computer screen anymore.

Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t