2002-08-03 | 11:35 a.m.

I am trying to make better decisions for myself. As I said in past entries I have cut a lot of things out of my life. I'm trying to commit to the theory of: 'out with the bad and in with the good.' Except sometimes I am easily fooled. I have a big heart. I know this. And as much as I try to close myself off I always end up opening myself to the wrong people. The flakes, the freaks, the totally psycho people. Somehow I always manage to get abused by these wankers.

I think it's because a large part of me is like a house of cards, make one wrong move and they all tumble down. I can say without a doubt that I've finally been able to let go of being so utterly controlling with other people. In the past I would have wanted to control everything and anything, but now I can let it slide and go with it. And it's not such a hard task to do. But, one thing I can say is this: some people don't change. You wish they would but they don't. Let's face it no matter how hard you wish for it to change you can't make a piece of coal into a diamond. And that hurts. It hurts because I see myself opening up and discovering who I am and growing up and trying to do what I want to do and then I look around and see people I thought were doing the same but they aren't. And not because they can't change, they just don't want to. And so I lose them. And the people I once thought as friends slowly become nothing more than acquaintances. And I wonder, when will I get to a point where the people I meet won't turn into the fucknuts of the past? Will the people I meet now turn out to be normal? Or will they eventually peel of their skins like an onion and reveal their true identities? It's not that I don't mind a little crazy or reckless/wild. Hoenstly I don't, but I want to start building friendships that are actually based on honesty rather than bullshit. Because this bullshit thing is so retarded and I'm over it. I don't want superficial anymore, I don't think I ever did.

I saw Signs with Kim yesterday after work. I'm not going to go into it because I don't want to ruin it for anyone who may want to see it. All I have to say is think: The War of the Worlds and you've got a feeling for what the movie may be like. I really like M. Night Shyamalan's vision directing wise, but I'm going to have to say that plot wise I was unimpressed. Then again it's been done so many times and I am such a sci-fi freak that I'm also very biased since I've seen it done that many times. But seriously, the directing is amazing as usual. With 'The Sixth Sense' M. Night Shyamalan created a puzzle, and sure I may have guessed the puzzle within the first 15 minutes but I still felt impressed at his ability to shock other people with that movie. With this film it wasn't about a puzzle, but it was still interesting. If you like aliens and UFO stories you should check it out. I'm not going to say the story he wrote was amazing because quite frankly I was disappointed in many aspects, but he put out a good try. Plus let's face it most of the American audience needs a dumbed down version so it's not like he could actually try to get away with something more intelligent. I sound snobby and I'm sorry, I guess it's just because I expect a lot out of directors/writers/actors I like.

One thing I can say Cherry Jones, the little girl is adorable. You'll want to pick her up and kiss her cheeks a couple of times. Or at least it made me want to do so. The other kid, Rory Culkin was pretty good too. Not as good as Kieran Culkin was in The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys but he's getting there. And I'm beginning to like Mel Gibson now. Maybe it's the fact that I feel like he's proved his worth with his acting, and I can finally see him for something other than those silly slapstick action cop movies. Not to say they aren't good fluff, because they are, but gradually he's been working on getting better parts and actually showing his ability rather than sticking to what may sell. Joaquin Phoenix has some funny parts in the movie but he wasn't integral to it at all. All in all it was ok, go check it out.

And now I'm off to get ready to meet Kim to go check out Full Frontal.



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