2002-08-17 | 3:22 p.m.

So it appears that only after the 26th of next month - not this month, I will be able to buy my sweaters and my Coach wallet. Which is ok. Sucks but is ok. I won't need sweaters for hopefully another month or two and I've waited already for 2 months for the Coach wallet so what's another month added on to this one? It won't matter. All that will is that by then I will have paid off what I'm supposed to have paid off with my dad. And yeah I'm still continuing with my debt consolidation which will hopefully end in another 3 or 4 years. Seems so fucking long to go but after it's over I will be debt free. So I won't worry about money. My dad wanted me to leave some money in my account before writing a check out to him so I am left with money in my account. Which is cool. Obviously I can't go out to town and spend it but I can go get a pedi & mani. So all in all I guess not so bad.

It looks like it might rain. I wanted to go out tonight but I have yet to call anyone to see if they are planning on going out. With my luck everyone is staying in. Then again there's not many to call so it's not surprising at all. Damn I am such a loser. Seriously I could be queen priestess of dorkdom. I haven't gone out "out" in ages and it feels as if I might as well just give up on that because it ain't happening at all. Oh well, such is life.

I am in a cranky ass mode too so maybe my zero options of going out are a good thing. Lately I feel as if I am floating through hazes. I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing but whatever I am doing I'm doing to stay within a routine. It sounds so pathetic and sad but I'd rather not break from a routine because if I do I will have to question the sadness within. So instead I cover that sadness with as many band aids as necessary. And with that last statement I'm sure the-rapists are jumping to get me as one of their 'patients'. Bastards! They won't get me though, I won't be herded like cattle into tearing my insides open so that they can have a good tie. Fuck no!

Moving right along...

I think I'm done. I need to get out of the house and I intend to do just that and go get myself a pedicure and manicure. I haven't gotten one in what seems like forever and I think the little bit of pampering is more than well deserved.

And that's that.



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