2002-09-16 | 10:36 p.m.

That looming threat of war is still there. I think I am just trying not to deal with it, only because there's no use for me to get all wiggy about it. Seriously it's not like I can do shit, so I am just trying to stop thinking about it. Instead I choose to take things on a day to day basis. What more can I do but that? I don't know what the future will bring but I have enough faith in myself to know that I will deal with it the best way possible. If I fall, I'll fall. If I cry, then I'll cry. I have to realize that doing so doesn't make me a big wussy girl. It just makes me someone with emotions, and that's ok too. I'm going to take things day by day. And I'm going to let go of the things that I cannot control. Deal with what I can and try to make myself feel better - both emotionally and physically. This sounds a bit like a pity party. It's not. It's me trying to deal with what I have on my plate to the best of my abilities.

Moving on...

Yesterday my dad bought me some pants. Actually I was pissed at myself that I was po'ass broke thus unable to get said pants. He heard me bitch and whine to myself and told me he'd get me the pants. It was a very thoughtful gesture, especially since he bought me 3. One in black, charcoal, and brown. Which is pretty damn sweet for me because those pants are the bombdotcom. I use them all the time at work and on those rare occasions when I actually go out at night. They're awesome and my dad is the shit for getting them for me.

Later on I made some pasta to eat with some roast beef and sat down and watched Six Feet Under and then the season premier of the Soprano's. Like usual I had no friggen clue as to what was going on in the Soprano's. I never seem to, but it's always entertaining, so it's all good.

This morning I walked to work. I hate having to walk in the rain, especially when I'm walking to work. Five minutes into my walk I already wanted to turn around and come home. NYC in this type of rainy weather is a bitch and a half. Everyone walking with umbrella's with no common courtesy for others. You'd think people would become more compassionate after this past week. No such luck. Not that I care. This is why NYC is NYC. Still having to walk in a sea of people holding umbrella's is a pain in the ass. especially when they poke at you with their damn umbrella's and not give a shit. After 10 minutes into my walk I just hailed a cab. It was cheap and yes while I skimped out on my morning exercise...well fuck it, I just don't really give a toss.

At work I wanted to open my window and throw myself out. Every minute seemed like an hour. My day dragggged by. And I left still having a pile of work to do. It's not like the people I work with care. I mean they do but they know how out of it I am. They know it'll get done but they are just giving me a bit of time to re-adjust and deal. Which is nice of them. Because let's face it they could be the types of people who couldn't give 2 shits. And yet they do. So they know I'll get the job done just at a slower pace than usual.

Kim dyed her hair. It's very plum looking under a plum light but once she goes out in the sun it's like WOW - it's a vibrant color. I think it looks pretty badass. I took a few photos of her new do and I've already sent them over to her via email, so expect to see them over here eventually. I took a photo of myself and that's in my blog. I'll be sure to take photo's tomorrow since I'm toting my digital camera to work again so expect some pics either over here or at my blog.

I need to go to bed. Sure I'll probably not get any sleep but it's nice to pretend that I can try, even knowing full well it's kinda pointless. But fuck it, damn the man, I'm laying down and looking at my ceiling all over again like I did last night!



p r e v i o u s // n e x t