2002-10-21 | 9:13 p.m.

I'm tired of all my life already. A co-worker who's also a friend, has mentioned numerous times that I have post traumatic stress disorder. I shrug it off and crack a joke. I think I'm scared to admit it to myself that indeed I might be. I feel that I'm riding a rollercoaster when it comes to emotions. When things are good they are amazing but when things are bad they are just horrendous. I don't know what to think anymore. Actually I'd just like to stop the swarm of words and feelings I deal with on a daily basis. I should investigate. There must be some sort of medication that shuts it all up. My migraines have returned in a violent fashion. I feel as if there's a heavy metal concert going on in my head and all I hear is the throbbing of my poor brain wishing the torture would just go away. I'm ready to say fuck it all and induce sleep for a good week or two. I'm spread too thin. My mind and body aren't as strong as they were to begin with.

I walked around on St. Marks tonight after work in search of a peasant skirt. I was trying to find the dive-y Indian place I once knew of that sold the type of hippie skirt I was looking for but the only thing left of the store are doors firmly incased in dust and paper. Disappointed I walked around thinking of every other place I could hit for said skirt. All were dead ends. It's so frustrating not to find something you think would be so incredibly easy to find. If worst comes to worst I will just make do with what I have which isn't much. I'm going to try to look at Ebay tonight and see if I can come up with anything.

I've been listening to a lot of David Bowie recently. Just mixes of old and new stuff. Not really stopping at one song or cd. I just find his voice soothing for some reason.

I got a message on my cellphone today from Puce. She's here in NYC for another week. I need to get in touch with her. I'll do so tomorrow. We should meet up as she said, for a drink or two and chat a bit since it's been too long since the first and last time we did so.

I need to go lay down in hopes that this migraine will either go away or lessen. Here's hoping it's the former rather than the latter. I could use one good day.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t