2002-12-08 | 3:12 p.m.

I'm back. This week away was certainly necessary. Now that I'm back in NYC it feels like I'm one small snowflake in a crazy blizzard. But then everyone's one snowflake, aren't they?

I have so much that I could say about the trip, and yet I don't want to. Not just yet. Right now I want to keep it locked inside within me. I don't need to divulge yet. Maybe never. I'm not sure. I'm just back in the city.

I have a roll of film to develop tomorrow. I also need to take the satin black pants I bought at H&M to get them tailored because they are a tad too long on me. Since I plan on wearing them to my job's company Christmas party that needs to get done early since the party is on the 13th.

Wow. It just doesn't feel like Christmas is near. It also feels weird and good to be back in this mess of a city. I think now I am now more confused than ever. I know for a fact that I don't feel at home in Brasil anymore. Then again I know for a fact that I don't feel like I'm at home here in NYC anymore. Life is confusing like that. It also doesn't help that I'm going from one weather extreme to another. I'm just feeling out of sorts now more so than ever. I really need to check myself because I don't feel as if I am respecting myself physically/mentally anymore. So yeah, I need to deal with that.

I am not going to go crazy this Christmas. Only because I can't. Money wise I'm back to po'ass broke after this week away. So I am only giving presents out to my mum, dad, and brother. Friends are just not getting anything from me this year. I've always bought good stuff for "friends" and this year I'm putting a stop to that. Only because if the shoe was on the other foot I sure as hell know they wouldn't be splurging for me. So yeah, no presents for anyone else other than my family. Which seriously breaks it down to 3 presents for me which makes me happy because I am not going to stress over gift giving. I always used to because I was always trying to find stuff for people/ friends. Not anymore. Fuck that. It's just immediate family and myself now. Ha!

So I'm back. Rock and roll.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t