2003-02-11 | 12:32 p.m.

I don�t like drama. I've come to the conclusion that I want my life to be peaceful and filled with laughter and love. That�s it. Nothing else.

I don't need the added stress that people like to place upon their lives. I don't need it or want it. I keep stressing about other people. But you know what? If you don�t want to like me, don�t. I�m too old to kiss ass. I always reach out to others, always trying to make them smile or laugh, but you know what? I don�t have the time or the desire to keep trying anymore.

Because what about me? When will I stop to make myself laugh or make me smile?

This high alert business is making me ill. It's the constant paranoid fear that something will happen, that the other shoe will drop when we aren't looking. I'm tired of living like this. Tired of always looking up at the sky and flinching when I see helicopters or planes. I'm tired of being too scared to get into a subway because I'm scared to be underground. Tired of being around a lot of people in a space like when I'm in the Times Square area at lunchtime. I'm just tired in general. And I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I can't shake them away.

I'm just fucking tired.

p r e v i o u s // n e x t